I just love your show, dear Gail
I have no financial worries to speak of 
But I still  watch it
Least I ever foget 

I don't want to look at life through a keyhole
I don't want to look at life through a needle's eye
I don't want to look at the world from behind a door
Nor from the darkness of my basement floor

I want to spill out of my bedroom window 
Into the rainbow of life

I once said I would never parachute from a plane
I am beginning to feel I might just have the guts to do that
Just an inkling, just a sprinkling 
But at least, it is a beginning 
Of a paradigm shift

I've lived too safe
I've lived too quietly
It may be time to take a Leap........
But here I am still mildly sitting in my room painting
Thinking of the Spring of Life to come...

I find that it is quite hard to paint a reclining pose..but must have been harder for the model to hold the pose without falling asleep...
Gulp.. I am writing the below on impulse... here goes...



WHEREIN LIES YOUR TRUE WORTH
A lot of news lately about Angelina Jolie getting a double mastectomy
And her man, Brad standing by her side
I applaud this
For it gave the message that you don't need them to soley define your sexuality

I really have to write this for I've seen this far too often...
And just now on FB
A Profile photo of a pretty girl with her boobs spilling out
And men, some old enough to be her Dad and Grandad
Oogling and giving her Likes 

If you're attracting men with your boobs
What you're gonna do when they droop
Men who give u attention becos of your chest size only
Are not men who are gonna love you for long

They'll drop you when they've seen enough
Cos they too are humans with other needs
You best develop your inner self and know who you really are
So they're astonished by the shinning light from your soul
And not your superficial, ever fading front headlights

Know your true worth
Is not measured by the girth of your chest
But by the depth and beauty of your inner soul
You want them to look into your eyes
But instead, they can't help looking down your neck
You're only making yourself look cheap
When u sit with your boops hanging out

You want to make a real connection
Not just a momentary, sizzling, titillating  thrill for these men
You're crying out for love and attention
But you're getting the wrong kind, girl!

Love yourself, smile, know your true worth, tuck your boops in
And if a boy still wanna talk to you
He's the one for keeps as a true friend.... 

Lol.... what do I know
I don't have much to spill
But hey, at least I know the sifting of the men for me is done..
Right off the bet....

I love painting old, majestic churches but it is very hard to find one where the parking lot is big enough for you to stand back far enough to view the whole building in all its glory. But here's an exception: a beautiful church on a hill overlooking the Credit River: St.Peter's Erindale Anglican Church... may not have done it justice but will give it a few more tries over time...

COPING WITH MENTAL HEALTH
I went to a funeral
A couple of weeks ago
I didn't really want to go
Cos a funeral was just going to be another reminder of Dad

It was for my neighbors' daughter
Who had hurled herself into Niagara Falls

The pain etched on the faces of her loved ones
The heaviness in their hearts that weighed their voices down
As they gathered strength to eulogise before the crowds

I had met her
A bright and shinning star
When she was on her meds and doing well
But she kept thinking she didn't need the meds
Which in turn plunged her into another round of darkness

When you are well, swear to yourself you will take your meds
For there is no shame whatsoever
Your body has just been wired a little differently
It really has nothing to do with who you really are
But it sure interferes with who you can be

Who you can be 
Is someone who is there for your family
They need you more than you think you burden them
When you're gone
They blame themselves that they had not helped you more
That they were not vigilant enough to catch you in your darkest hour

But you can live your dream well like everyone else 
When you and your doctor work out the right program
And you have to let everyone hold your hand 
While you may have to fight, fight to stick to that plan

It'll be all well worth the painful effort
I have seen it in another friend who did just that
And she's here for me and countless others who need her to be thier friend.... xoxo

My favourite Aunt got married and was whisked away
I cried and lamented 

How could she leave me 
When she had always been by my side since I was born
Cheered me on when I did my first drawing
Be the one to gently break news 
Of any crimes I committed to my Mom

But you can always come and visit
It's only 6 hours train ride away...

So I did
My Grandma took me to visit her
And we had the most wonderful time together

On the train home
I heard this boy 
Striking up a conversation with Granny
When I looked up
He was looking at me

Yes, as you would have it
The train broke down
We all spilled out to the grass 
To wait in the shade
And the minutes rolled into hours

I felt a tap on my shoulder
The boy was offering me a chocolate bar 
Foolishly I said 
No Thank you
Otherwise, I could still have this choc bar wrapper 
In my possession to this day

We got back on the train
It rattled on for a while
He got off the next stop
Without us ever saying another word
I look at him through the window 
And he looked up at me from the ground

I cried for days after, my heart was piercingly pained
My dear Dad consoled me
Said I can go always go visit my favourite Aunt again

To which, I cried even harder
Wondering what would be the chances....

My Mother was born in an era
Where boys were more valued than girls
The girls including Grandma, ate no meat and only after the boys had finished

At a tender young age
My Mother  was plucked from school to help earn towards the family keep
As a result, she laments she is not literate and is therefore as good as blind

Because of that, she vowed her own daughter would not suffer a similar fate
You study hard and there'll be money for your education, same as your brothers

But Mom's low self esteem rubbed onto me
She thought herself as not pretty, I thought myself as ugly
She thought she wasn't worth her Mother's love, I too thought I was not worthy of much

But because she availed to me the chance to learn, I could read to seek help for myself
And expand my horizons that she could never ever imagine for herself

And for that, Mom, is the greatest gift you gave me as a Mother

Do not hate Grandma for she too suffered the same neglect
The women of those generations didn't know any better
You may not be famous
You may not think of yourself as Great
But you had warriored in your own little corner
For one little girl to realize her dreams

So be proud to know that you did the most heroic thing ever
When you made sure I went to school
You helped break that generational chain of bondage forever...


Know that you are so loved, my dear Mom...


HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all Mothers xo

I was in deep slumber
My eyes popped open
Lines of ramblings were rattling tro my head
I ejected myself from the bed
Hoping on paper to pen them before they dissapate

But passing from the bedroom to the kitchen
I stopped to pick up some papers
Watered a thirsty lookin plant
Pinched off some spent flowers and removed some dried leaves
Took a whiff of the aroma coming from the  bread machine
Made myself some tea
Slapped some yogurt
On my prepared fruit bowl
Came to sit down by the computer

And found my head was emptied of those words
That had rattled in my head 
That had woken me up 
That had wanted to be heard

Shockin' to find  that my memory can be that short!!
Oh well maybe they'll come again
But now I can't go back to slumber sweet.....

I so enjoyed the last challenge of painting our model with his cello
That I had looked forward all week to another challenge with his guitar, he had promised

But when he walked through the door
Without his musical instrument 
I was ready to shove him back out the door to go home to fetch it
But I calmed down enough to say to myself
Cool it, live with it..

He redeemed himself by giving us quite a good pose to work from
But soon he looked like he was dozing off

"You wouldn't be dozing off if you were playing your musical instrument!"

Looking around, I saw that nobody was watching
So I made a loud tap on my metal easel with the end of my brush
His eyes popped open only to be weighed down again

Cool it, just live with it...
So, here I've painted him with his eyes shut

I thanked him sweetly through my teeth for doing such a great pose
But to promise to bring his guitar the next time, please!
And as I bade him Good bye 
My last parting words to him were
Don't you dare cut your hair either...

Now I, who had so looked forward to his guitar playing while I paint him playing
Have to look for someone else to serenade me with a song........

I know you're missing Dad
Everytime you open your mouth, it's Dad this and Dad that
You visit all the places you both went walking in
You go to the same eateries you both went to
And order the same food but Dad is not there to share the portion with
You say he's no longer there to rub your back when it hurts
You say he's not there to sit awhile with you before you turn the lights out

You know, you don't have to go lookin for him
He loved you enough while he was with you
To last you for the rest of your life

For he opened a Bank Account and deposited his love in there for you
So that now whenever, you need him
You just go make withdrawals of whatever amount 
You happen to be needing for that day

Everytime there is a breeze, it's Dad playing with your hair
I felt it the other day too
It's gonna take a while for sure, Mom
But Dad really would like you to carry on
While he still holds your hand and your heart.

And surely, it counts that the rest of us here love you too.